I'm a model of fucking perfection!

squintyoureyes:

{redacted} asked: So you know how Tumblr enjoys portraying a romantic relationship between two straight men and turning their platonic friendship into their gay fetish fantasy right? Well I wanted to know, because I have seen you (rightfully so) speak out against this but then I have also seen you (mostly with animated shows) turn around and ship Azula/Mai or Artemis/M’gann or Korra/Asami. Isn’t that doing the same thing? Turning the platonic into a fetish fantasy? Genuinely curious.

I’m glad you asked me this,  because I’ve seen others pose this question/concern before and I think there’s a sort of disconnect or fallacy happening in terms of what is and what isn’t inherently problematic.

A few things, as I see it:

There’s an element of fantasy to ALL shipping whether it’s canon or not, whether it’s queer or not. At the end of the day it’s fun. Shipping same-sex couples isn’t automatically fetishistic any more than shipping heterosexual couples. This doesn’t mean I don’t have problems with the WAY some members of fandom go about it in discussions or in fiction, but that’s a case-by-case thing. And furthermore, not being a gay man I’m not qualified to speak on what is or isn’t fetishizing gay men.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with shipping canonically ‘straight’ people in queer relationships because a) non-canon ships happen all the time, and b) straightness in media is a default presumed position, which means VERY few characters actually bother to IDENTIFY as straight in canon, and in fact expressing interest in someone of the opposite gender does not necessarily mean someone is straight.

Which is to say, for example, shipping Artemis with Wally is no different than shipping her with Kaldur is no different than shipping her with M’Gann. And certainly one can’t even call a character like Azula straight with ANY degree of surety. It’s all about the things we assume or choose not to assume and there’s nothing wrong with that.

All this is to say: imagining platonic homosocial relationships as romantic is not the problem as I see it. Not on its own, neither with men nor with women. And I have actually never spoken out against that? Which is where I think the disconnect is.

My issue with fandom’s hyperfocus on white dudes fucking each other is not an issue with slash or with the queering of heteronormative narratives.

It’s an issue with the misogyny and racism that’s usually coupled with that. It’s ignoring, erasing, bashing female characters. It’s ignoring characters of color, even slashable men of color, in favor of white dudes. It’s LOSING THEIR SHIT every time a woman gets near one of their bromances. It’s appropriating queer rights rhetoric to claim that casting a woman of color in an iconic white male role equals a loss of queer representation that never existed in the first place. It’s conflating their porn with my liberation. Often while ignoring the existence of queer women and femslash. And more than that, it’s the fact that somehow, some way, it happens in every single fandom I’ve ever encountered and often on quite a large scale. It’s the trends that make me sad, that showmakers notice on the internet and at conventions, then cater to down the road when it comes time to write the next season or the next show, to the point it feels like a cycle of erasure and mind-numbing sameness that will never end.

is why I, personally, have little interest in white dudes fucking. So I guess it’s one of those fine distinctions, for me, but I wanted to make it clear.

Five Stages of Grief: The Dair Fanmix

Denial

The Scientist | Coldplay (x)  Nobody said it was easy; no one ever said it would be this hard; oh take me back to the start

Anger

Fuck You | Lily Allen (x) Fuck you; fuck you very very much; ‘cos we hate what you do and we hate your whole crew; so please don’t stay in touch

She Fucking Hates Me | Puddle of Mudd (x) She was queen for about an hour; loved her then shit got sour; she took all I had; no sign of guilt; no feeling of bad, no

The Bitterest Pill | The Jam (x)  The bitterest pill is mine to take; if I took it for a hundred years I couldn’t feel any more hate

 Heart of Glass | Blondie (x) Once I had a love and it was gas; sooned turned out had a heart of glass;  seemed like the real thing only to find; mucho mistrust, love’s gone behind

So Cruel | Depeche Mode (x) the men who love you, you hate the most; they pass right through you like a ghost; they look for you but you spirit’s in the air; baby you’re nowhere

Apologise | Timbaland feat. One Republic (x) you tell me that you’re sorry; didn’t think I’d turn around and say; it’s too late to apologise

Bargaining

 Another Chance | Roger Sanchez (x)  If I had another chance tonight; I’d try to tell you that the things we had were right

Depression

Black Books | Nils Lofgren (x) she wants new shoulders to cry on; new back seat to lie on; and she always gets her way; she wants to see other guys; get lost in other eyes; baby’s in the black books; yes she’s in the black books today

Under Your Spell | Cliff Martinez (x) I don’t eat; I don’t sleep; I do nothing but think of you

Afraid to Sleep | Dido (x) and I’m afraid to sleep; ‘cos if I do, I’ll dream of you; and the dreams are always deep

Wild Horses | The Sundays (x)  faith has been broken, tears have been cried; let’s do some living, after we die

Acceptance

Coming Back To You |  Martin L. Gore (x)  maybe I’m still hurting; I just can’t turn the other cheek; but you that I still love you; it’s just that I can’t speak; I look for you in everyone; they called me on that too; I lived alone but I was only coming back to you

All Good Things (Come To An End) |  Nelly Furtado (x)  flames to dust; lovers to friends; why do all good things come to an end?